just another of my random thoughts

Wow. I finished three books in six consecutive days. I feel so alive than i have ever been. Although this effin ex-boyfriend-having-a-new-girlfriend-thoughts still keep bugging ones in a while and most of the time this week. i don't wanna be one of those people who gets all bent out of shape when the ex boyfriend gets a new girlfriend. i wanna be better than that. i don't wanna be all selfish with him because i want him to be happy if getting a new love makes him happy then so be it. what i really hate is that he has been avoiding me recently because of my actions that he misunderstood. because he believed that i am pushing him away. i know i can be distant and cold sometimes but i'm not pushing him away. it's sad and the thought of it makes me sad again. it effin sucks. i wish this feelings pass in a wrinkle of time--in a snap of my finger...

i know he sang that song again---that song he sang previously for me. why would he sing that song again? it would be an insult for me if he sang it for somebody else when that song brings back so much memory. was the song for me? i don't know. i sure hope so. a part of me wants to think that it still was for me. i know, but maybe i am a fool because i still believe in what i want to believe. i believe in us the same way Bill Compton believes that their's hope of Sookie and him. shesh! i don't wanna be all bookwormish and i-believe-in-fairy-tales-person, but i cannot help it of i'm all that now. since i have been reading fiction recently.

Oh well. Life sucks but even so, life is still beautiful, in a sense that i still get to shop for the things i want and my mom supports me in that. there is in fact therapy in shopping. i have been doing that since four months ago, i think. and recently i have been eating a lot. i'm back to be all voluptuous again, which is good. thanks for my mom and for me for taking care of me. bless me.