i was obsess with my name. i thought i had the most unique name because there is nobody in the world or at least in the Phil that i know of with my name. but right now i feel like i am no longer identifying with the name. the name's associated with my past i wanna forego, and maybe by assuming another name means new life, new identity, new aspiration, and whatnot. besides, i am still Christine. i love my second name better than the first anyway. the first name only reminds me of the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill. together, they only remind me of pain, loss, hate, and that 'bang and the clatter' as in the song Faraway (So Close) by U2. Christine, on the other hand, reminds me of the angel with white wings and Rahl is the hero. i wanna be the hero not just in my fantasy story but in my physical world as well. it's not that i'm regressing to my childhood fantasies, i'm just a looking at things the way i want to look at them---that is in a more creative way. besides, i still dream of being a fiction writer and be able to have my book published someday. so, judge me all you want, analyze my behavior, read my mind. the hell do i care! don't forget i'm a psychology major my self. i know exactly why i am the way i am. so please, back off and call me Rahl.
