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| photo taken on 2009 in Manila |
Well, it is still 3 in the morning of November 7, 2010. For the past few days, I haven’t had enough sleep. I’ve been having insomnia since the break-up, probably since two weeks ago or so. And my period’s killing me at some point. I’ve been having my menstruation for a week now. At least I don’t feel queasy anymore, and i regained my appetite in food. That’s an improvement. I’m always tired. My eyes feel heavy all the time though I am not having any pain except minor cramps in menstruation. Yesterday (November 6, 2010), I kind of blamed my mom for waking me up when I was already asleep (partly asleep). If I’m not mistaken, I haven’t reached yet stage 3 sleep (the deepest sleep) yet. Earlier, about 9:15 in the evening, just before I went to sleep I told my mom not to ever wake me again, otherwise I won’t be able to go back to sleep. I have already suffered onset insomnia enough to suffer another type of insomnia, maintenance insomnia, for that matter.
I’m glad my mom didn’t wake me. In fact, I just had the best sleep in my life since God-knows-when I last had one. Anyway, I woke up from a dream and now I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore. I just had the weirdest dream since I last had one. I always forget my dream. Truth is, I don’t remember all the details in my dream, except for few and yet meaningful details. All I could remember is the last scene where I was shopping for things we will be needing in our travel with my mom. When I got home, I took a bath. My mom said to my cousin that she will be cooking “bam-e” so that my other cousin will win a contest he is joining. The contest happened to be a motorcycle exhibit. Anyway, there was one insignificant boy in my dream who joined me in my bath. Don’t worry I wasn’t naked. I was bathing with my clothes on. One detail I remember was that there was no shower. I shower most to the time in the real life. Well, truth is, in my dream, we weren’t in our current home. We were in our previous home in McArthur. We never had shower back then. All the details I could remember in our previous home were exactly the same, including where the kitchen and dining is, and where the rest room bowl located or the pales and so on and so forth.
Somehow, my memories of the past helped in the dream manifestation. Anyway, what’s weird is the boy. I do not know the boy. I tried recalling. I must have met that boy in the past but I must have forgotten. Anyway, I failed to see his face in detail so I couldn’t make recollection.
Dreams are significant. I just have to interpret it the way I used to when I was in training with FC. The thing about interpreting your own dreams is the risk of bias and denial. Earlier in my advanced personality class, we talked about Sigmund Freud’s “Interpretation of Dreams.” I read the book back in college. Although his symbolisms have been criticised until the present time, I still think his is useful. During the training I had in Client-Centered therapy, Logotherapy and Gestalt therapy, at the back of my mind there are those symbols when I am doing counselling or even when we are processing feelings and catharsis with clients. It’s like automatic to me to think about those things subconsciously. The thing Freud is that he was misunderstood. Although I am not Freudian or neo-Freudian (I am a Jungian Humanist and Existentialist) I believe in him somehow. His critics did not understand the dynamics of dream interpretation. They did not understand that those symbols though how sexual they may be are the keys to understanding the human psyche---its complexities and unconscious, subconscious and preconscious dynamics.
Anyway, that’s not just it. Like I said, I only remember the last scene in my dream. I couldn’t remember the first scene. But somehow, I remember the feeling. It was a “satori” as Zen Buddhists call it. Upon awakening, when my senses were finally re-awakening, I felt the urge to write and send a significant person a message. I know, its dawn. It was probably past 2 o’clock when I sent the message.
Somehow, I am making sense of things. Things that are happening to me are making sense now. I found the answers to the question that I have been looking for. Carl Jung found the answers to his questions in his dreams. It was as a result of his interpretation of his dream that built his theory on the unconscious and collective unconscious mind, which he became famous of. I am not saying I am going to be famous with this satori of mine. What I am trying to say is that just like him I found answers to the questions that have kept me in the dark for a while. Somehow I knew the answer in me but I was too afraid to know the answer. Because this unconscious material is anxiety-provoking on my part, I repressed it into latency. It manifested through the dream.
Again, that’s just not it. I do believe at some point that the divine or this God, or this invincible higher intelligence, this force (whatever you want to call it) is trying to communicate to us through this “gap” the Hindu quantum mechanics/physics public speaker and Indian physician Deepak Chopra calls. This force communicates to us when we are in this non-local awareness (higher awareness). Although in sleep, our body is totally in paralysis, there are still billions of firings in our brain that gives instruction to our cells, our hormones, and organs in our body. This series of firings in the brain makes us see images, feel, smell, hear, taste without the senses such as that in dreaming. Sleep is unconsciousness, as we know it. When I say “unconsciousness,” I refer to the medical term such as when someone is in coma, or when someone has fainted or when someone has been knocked on the head. In other words, when are totally stripped of our awareness. But, sleep and in sleep, particularly in REM (rapid-eye-movement) sleep, that is when we dream, is not unconsciousness but non-local awareness. Dreaming is the road to the unconscious as Freud declared it. What we see in our dreams are all materials manifesting from our unconscious mind. In other words, the unconscious is non-local awareness. The unconscious is not only a reservoir for all sexually-threatening and anxiety-provoking thoughts, wishes, fears and so on, but also a gap---a spiritual gap where the this invincible higher intelligence speaks to us.
Dr. Ihalaekala Hew Len, a Hawaiian Psychologist, and a Self-I-dentity-through Ho’oponopono practitioner and guru believed that there is no such thing as “out there” There is only “in here.” He believes that the physical world is a creation of the mind or of the person. We, as human beings, are not in the world. The world is in us. We aren’t inside the body. The body is inside us. We aren’t human beings going through spiritual experience, but spiritual beings experiencing the amazing human condition of anger, depression, fear, distrust, sorrow, happiness, excitement, lust, love and so on. WOW! I can only say wow! But take note, Love is not a human condition, but a spiritual one.
Furthermore, how does this connect to my/our dreaming and so on? It is simple. Dreams are “in here” and not “out there.” If we dream of a snake, we might think that someone from the outside is going to betray us. Perhaps, but truth is there is no outside to begin with. The world is within us. We make our world. Whatever we think, it materializes. So, if we put a crap on this belief that we are to be betrayed or if we anticipate betrayal, it will materialize.
But somehow; we can use our beliefs, our superstitions, our attitudes, our perception of the world though how positive or negative they may be; to our advantage. This invincible higher intelligence speaks to us through dreams. We can consider our dreams either as caution or inspiration from the divine. If we dream of the snake, we can use this snake to twist our mind’s own coding system through neuro-linguistic programming. Instead of thinking about betrayal, we should think about trust and honesty. It is not being incautious. It is about being positive. Take note that if a negative mind is chaotic, so is a positive mind. I can testify to that. I am so positive I got tired and regressed back to my old habits. All the things I worked hard for totally gone into trash because of my regression. It sucks. Take note also that a positive mind is even better than a negative one. Trust me.
But what is better mind then? You might ask. A better mind is a silent mind, where there are no thoughts flying around working memory. Silence. Thus, when we dream of something threatening to us, it is good to be positive, but it is better to be silent, and let all the anticipations, expectations, fears and so on fly by in working memory. LET GO. It is like closing all windows and browsers in a computer and leaving nothing on virtual memory. You shall never see chaos in that. Famous Hindu spiritual personality Maharishi Mayesh Yogi said that by nothing we can accomplish everything. By not thinking is almost like not doing. By not thinking, we can accomplish everything. Waaaiiiiitttt!!! Where is the sense in that? I am not saying that we shouldn’t think at ALL! I am saying that we should give ourselves a break from thinking. From there, inspiration comes in. I remember an artist (someone I am following in twitter and facebook because I like his paintings) who tweeted once that he now has a real inspiration in months. The inspiration came to him when he was in silence.
Some people may find silence or doing nothing very tedious a task. Some people cannot shut their mouths, or just couldn’t stay in silence (sometimes I am guilty of this). But if you give it try, silence is not exactly tedious at all. If dreaming is a gap where the divine inters, so is silence. The difference between the two is that silence is not a manifestation of our unconscious wishes, dreams, desires, fears like in dreaming. Another difference is that sometimes we forget our dreams, and dreams are oftentimes distorted. It is difficult to understand dreams. Both dreaming and silence are states of consciousness where the divine manifests. Silence is a non-local awareness (omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence). In other words, we think without limits by not thinking at all. We become all-knowing in silence. We become all-knowing in dreaming when we aren’t doing anything but sleeping, where the body is shut down for drive-reduction, and energy reviving.
Okay! Speaking of drive-reduction and energy reviving, I need to crawl back in bed. I need to go back to homeostasis. Time check is 5:45 Haha. Good morning everyone!
