My Existential Death and Rebirth

I have died many times since I was conceived in the world as a separate entity--separate from the universe, and from everything that exists. Although lately as I search for the truth, I have come to  a realization that there is a force in the universe that connects mandkind into oness with the universe. Such force could be the collective unconscious of which my favorite Carl Gustav Jung himself theorized and named as it is, which is a part of the unconscious mind that connects people with one another, especially with his/her forefathers. Some others call this the law of attraction, but I call this a cosmic ability, a cosmic force.
As to my dead, yes I have died not a physical death but on emotional and spiritual aspects. The first time I fell in love was also the first time (which I am conscious of) I died on the emotional aspect. It was too painful that I died but then after my death there was a new life. Erick Fromm wrote "..and what will amaze you even more, throughout life one must learn to die." Hence, it was as if I have been conceived the second time of which my creator before my conception already predetermined my essense as an individual. With the new life that was given to me, a new goal not anymore on the bases of my own illusions. After the pain was new life. I started letting go and moving own and I did it not only to free the other party but especially to free my self.
The second time I died was when I joined the Facilitator Circle of which I became an active member, but before my membership I whole-heartedly faced the challenges necessary for me to undergo for it was an SOP in the organization for its future members/facilitators. Within the two year training I died many times for being in pain means dying. From there I freed my self from all that's preventing me to my own self-actualization and individuation. One is the fact that I have been manipulated by the people around me and worst is that I allowed them to manipulate me. I became active for two years and started to gradually cut my self due to a new realization against the organization it self. I still love the organization because it has been a family to me and forever will be, but I have made a decision to be in a low profile. I realized that its about time I let go, and move forward to independence from the herd and figure the world for my self. The fact that if I will limit my self to it, I cannot progress further and instead be stagnant and even regress. I notice that some members are stagnating themselves unconsciously and others are regressing. Some members do not the understand our principles for which I do claimed to have understood. Perhaps that's another reason for my departure.
The third time I died was when I have chosen to give up my own religion. In other words, I have no exclusive religion, although I was raised Catholic. I died spiritually but then I was reborn the third time. Because to question the every existence of God is a actually path to spiritual growth. It is ideally essential to every human being to question in order for truth to be realized. Many are called to join the effort but only a few are chosen, and perhaps only a few have responded to the call. Just like the rest of the Philosophers and Psychologists, they too have there own story, and been to spiritual death in order to grow again spiritually. I am now on the process of knowing something I considered truth, but this search for truth is a never ending search. What I claim truth now, I believe the universe openned me to it. It's like a slap to my face, yes, painful to know the truth, because truth hurts. But the more it hurts, the more I am tolerant to pain. The once difficult is now becoming easy and easier.
So that's my story.
And I would probably die again soon....